help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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