I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
