Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
