; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
