yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
