Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
