Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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