Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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