I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
