the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
