i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
