my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize