I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
