I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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