I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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