So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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