Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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