Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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