I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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