I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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