You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
