I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize