Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
