I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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