i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize