how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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