this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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