Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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