He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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