My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
