I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
