I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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