Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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