I cockslap morals
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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