She said her name was "party"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
