I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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