We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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