You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
