We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He shit in the fireplace
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
