its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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