brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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