well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
