You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
