SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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