He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
