She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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