Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
