who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
