do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
