mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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