Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
