im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
