yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
