i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
