He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
