Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
