Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
