i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
