You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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