Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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