he wants to bone in the snuggie
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
