she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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