im having a threesome with these popsicles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize