true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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