Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
two words: eviction party
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
